


something that could be (and eventually, could have been)

by raihaqyaza



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Eventual SasuSaku, F/M, Happy Ending For Sakura, KakaSaku Only During Timeskip, Kakashi is unhinged, Not Kakashi Though, Slow Burn, Strictly Canon, Underage Sakura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 01:56:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11430765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raihaqyaza/pseuds/raihaqyaza
Summary: When New Year came, she winked and blew him an innocent, meaningless kiss, the way she saw Ino jokingly did to Asuma long ago. She was fine with ignoring the thin line they were close to crossing and from the looks of it, he was too.





	something that could be (and eventually, could have been)

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt writing in AO3. I figured the readers in this site will be far more open to this idea of KakaSaku than those in ffn, so go ahead and give this a try!

something that could be (and eventually, could have been)

by

raihaqyaza

Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, and I earn no profits from writing this story

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There was a man of twenty-seven once upon a time. He was a cheerful, perverted and broken man who gave all his life and soul to a village he's sworn to protect back when he was in such a young age. This man is the dream of all girls out there, and that included the little girl involved in our tale today.

The first time they met, she was at the age of thirteen, and he at twenty-seven. It was under an obligatory circumstance that they met, and he was the second pretty thing in sight—after Sasuke-kun, of course. He was pretty enough to attract her shallow judgment as a little girl. Despite every glaring red signs that screamed no in his presence, she was slowly drawn to his petty jokes and eccentric attitude throughout the months she spent under his tutelage. With being Shinobi as their profession, people were bound to be unhinged at some point, so she also learned not to bat an eyelash at his madness.

In a time and place where nothing seemed interesting anymore, she figured he was the closest thing to an entertainment, what with Naruto off training with Jiraiya-sama and Sasuke-kun leaving the village for power.

Sakura found herself biting her lip to stop a flinch.

She really needed to get it over with. She was training under Tsunade-sama, for Heaven's sake. If anything, the first thing the Princess slapped onto her brain and made sure it stayed in terrible, terrible ways during their training was to stop dwelling on things that she had no control over. Still, the petty bitterness never failed to show up its unwanted head and ignite an ugly spark in her stomach every once in a while.

You see, the girl was quite bright for a civilian, people would admit that much. They also said she has her head in the cloud and doesn’t have her priority straight. She is weak, a hindrance, and that is why the fox brat and the Uchiha's sole survivor chose to leave the village. They can’t keep pulling themselves back for her, rumor has it.

She clenched her fist and forced a strong face. Let those better Shinobi judge, they weren't entirely wrong—

—at least the only person that mattered, the only person who she had spent the better first months of being a Genin trying to prove herself to, never judged. Not out loud, that is.

She was observant for her age when properly motivated. She noticed his not-so-subtle watchful glance that he threw from afar. She noticed how his dull eyes shone certain looks. It made her want to laugh quite bitterly. He didn't say it out loud, but perhaps he too thought she wasn't worth too much of all good things in life. Look how he threw himself head first back into the roster the moment his two favorites are gone.

Being her former teacher didn't stop him from being a truthful man.

Did he, like everybody else, blame her for the loss of his two most favored students? With the two gone and her working to get stronger, the only times they ever really met were on bad days where she would be too exhausted and him bearing fresh wound from high-ranked mission that could only do wonders for the soul.

It was a good thing she was always prepared with a witty comment of her own to his every word. She could tell that he knew she was upset most days these days, and the way he always had especially biting remarks of his own that hit right where it hurt didn't help her at all.

Still, she was thankful he never tried to keep a cheerful attitude where it wasn't needed.

One day, on a break her Shishou had very kindly given, she found him leaning on a tree near the bridge they usually meet, back when their team was one and whole. She feels her heart beat triple time as she desperately willed him to look at her, to notice her, because he must have sensed her by now so _please_ come see that there is something left out of the broken bond that edged them into their own solitude.

Anxious, she tucked a stray hair behind an ear and walked up to the man, hesitating on the amount of distance she had to put between them to be considered appropriate and mentally slapping herself for even bothering with something like that. She chewed the inner of her cheek and carefully leans beside him.

They were never really close, were they? He was always far too intrigued with Sasuke-kun, and she was never like Naruto who was loud enough to always get a fraction of his attention. They stayed in silence, so silent that Sakura decided to count along with her heartbeat, until he made the first attempt to speak as composed as though this was a usual occurrence. They traded pleasantries and discussed life in general. It was a joke, Sakura decided, because it was simply another reminder of what could have been perfect once upon a time.

"I miss them both," she told him lightly, eyes casually glancing to get the tiniest twitch of reaction.

"I find the lack of loud orange thing and dark gloomy thing a relief, really," and he flipped into another page.

She almost wanted to punch him for being too uncomfortable to talk about it.

Almost, if things weren't too sensitive still.

He was careful with his words, paying attention to stay neutral. He told her, "It might have been a good thing."

That, ignited a full reaction out of her. She turned fully with her teeth gritted and a fist pulled back.

"Take you, for example," he waved between the two of them, eyes actually leaving his book to give her proper attention. She stopped in her track, though the steel in her eyes remained. "You would have been content with your minimum capability as a kunoichi and stayed under their shadow if the invasion hadn't happened. Now you're the apprentice of the fifth Hokage, Naruto's learning under Jiraiya-sama, and Sasuke's gaining power from Orochimaru as we speak.”

She saw his point, but she still snorted at how easy he made it sound.

"You know," she said in a completely different context to get back to a more comfortable area. "With all of us powering up, it's going to take very short time before we get back together to kick your ass." She ignored the notion of having to get Sasuke-kun back to the village first. "You better be afraid, Sensei."

It must have been the first time they ever really looked into each other and found what was left from the other’s soul.

As her eyes truly locked with his for the very first time, she recognized raw emotions and vulnerability that took her breath away. It took a moment for her to remember that this man who was so stripped bare at that moment was also capable of feeling pain. She couldn't help but let the anger and bitterness she held for him evaporate.

A second passed, and the wind breezed through. Cliché it might be, but it really did felt like an eternity.

When he spoke again, she realized that perhaps she wasn't the only one unhinged from their team's separation. How was a man who regained a family in three students supposed to feel when they were all taken away from him in less than a year?

"I am shaking to my very core," he humored her.

She didn't know how she managed to keep such calm composure when her stomach churned nauseatingly. Here she thought he was fine all along.

Sun eventually had to set, and their conversation was cut short before it could end. It was refreshing, she thought. She left the bridge feeling somehow accomplished, and there was a tiny bit of hope in her fuzzy warm chest that wished for him to find a friend in her. Perhaps their conversation made him see that she was willing to thread the distance that was always there between the two. Maybe he'd see that beneath that frail figure, exist a fiery soul that could someday be just as strong as her teammates.

She hoped she wasn't half bad. She hoped she could replace the empty holes Naruto and Sasuke-kun left in him. She hoped and hoped and hoped.

With that, they parted ways.

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The second time they properly spent time together, it was at the New Year festival. After all the rebuilding and regaining allies, the village found throwing a festival in celebration was an obligation. They also saw it as a fit way to welcome their very first female Hokage.

Her pink hair was longer and pulled into a tight bun. She was cladded in a standard training outfit, allowing cool breeze to kiss every bruise that showed on every area of skin she revealed. They met on the usual bridge and strolled together to the main festival area. She expressed herself just as confidently, if not more, and just as cheerfully, only with no visible spring following her step. He stayed the same, if not a bit more hesitant. His missions must have done that, and so she knew to be understanding and more careful around him. Tsunade had explained to her the types of trauma that certain Shinobi go through and how they took up different hobbies to cope with their pain. If that is not one of the reason why Kakashi is distant tonight, then it must have something to do with the rumor that said she just had her first kill finally reaching his ears.

It surprised her to an extent that he cared, in his own weird way.

"I'm okay, you know," she made the first move after a long, loud silent. They were bound to have this conversation sooner or later, after all. "And it wasn't a kill, if you're wondering. It was a patient not making it in my care."

"Ah," he commented, awkward and unsure.

Sakura giggled.

"Tsunade-sama and Shizune-san helped me get through it, and I recall there was this ugly note signed with a signature similar to the one in Pakkun's uniform stuck into my window," she smiled. "It said some pretty helpful words, too."

She smiled the childish grin well, and walked pass him to get them both some drink from a nearby booth. He kept himself close to her that night, right up to the firework show, and she basked herself in his undivided attention. When New Year came, she winked and blew him an innocent, meaningless kiss, the way she saw Ino did to Asuma long ago. He ruffled her hair in return.

She was fine with ignoring the thin line they were close to crossing

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One day, she sat down with her friends for dumpling. He was somewhere around Wind Country, minding Sage knew what, so she decided to enjoy the rare leisure time she had to be a just a girl. That day, they spoke of clothes, training, clan politics and men, exactly in that respective order.

"Wouldn't you want a piece of him, though?" Ino nonchalantly asked. The heiress stirred her lemonade in boredom. They've discussed Genma, Aoba, Izumo, Kotetsu, and pretty much half of the hot male population in the village. Her teacher was next.

"He's a grown man, and I'm a thirteen-year-old girl," she rolled her eyes. "It'll be like taking care of a child. Besides, he's a bit too far out of my league, don't you think? What with him being an S-Class Jounin, ex-Anbu captain, Bingo book worth Shinobi—"

"Get to the point," Tenten waved a hand.

"—and I'm just an in-progress Medic-Nin who hasn't even turned Chunin yet. Don't really have that much going on in my repertoire," she shrugged.

They threw her a no-bullshit look, which Sakura returned with the raise of her eyebrows. Was entertaining the possibility of a forbidden student-teacher relationship in the daylight a normal behavior for teenager these days? Honestly, Ino and Tenten had to cut back on their supply of trashy novels. 

"But would you?" Temari—who was taking a time out of her diplomatic visit and had formed some sort of kinship with the girls—pressed. Her eyes showing glint of mischief similar to Ino's. "I mean, if I were his age, I'd tap that."

She sighed out and only took a moment to pause before she smiled ruefully while thinking that she too had to cut back on her trashy romance supplies. "Yeah, I actually would."

There. The honest truth.

They seemed satisfied with her answer, and they left her alone. God bless Hinata's pure soul who stayed out of the conversation.

If truly pondered upon, Sakura was by no means in love. She could tell the symptoms, remembered the feeling when she thought about Sasuke. Kakashi never managed to cause her the same kind of nausea, nor did Kakashi ever made her heart beat faster or fill her stomach with butterflies. The only reason why the notion ever crossed her mind was because when thought about carefully, she admitted the prospect of ending up with him wasn't that bad of a thought.

He was a strong man with a death wish, more-than enough income and generous prize on his head. His name is heard and feared across the Elemental Countries and he cared for her the same way she cared for him—as a comrade. She can see herself being content, perhaps not quite happy, but at peace with the idea of her and Kakashi together.

She gave up on love the day the Uchiha walked out of Konoha. It was all about being settled with whatever second best the world's willing to offer her, and it might be cruel if she put someone like, say, Lee, in such position, but she could tell (and hope) that someone like Kakashi wouldn’t mind. Screw dating and falling in love, she was a Kunoichi, her childhood wishes of all things love had demolished, crushed, and burned right down to the core. So maybe the thought of ending up with her teacher wasn't too bad, especially when she thought about how she could finally be useful in someone else’s life too, in return. 

At the end of the day, as she changed her dress to a nightgown, she recited his name in her prayers and hoped for his safe return.

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At training, his name was occasionally mentioned. Having a female Hokage who loved to gossip just as much as everybody else as her teacher had its own perks and Sakura found herself knowing far too much than she actually needed to know about who was hooking up with who. This means Sakura was constantly updated on everyone’s sexcapades, Kakashi’s included, and she always found herself comparing her physical appearance to the ladies they said he hooked up with when she stared at her reflection in the mirror once she got home.

She glared at one particularly ugly bruise on her hip. Who was she to judge?

What irked her most was the fact that Tsunade-sama knew of her fling, and she always had a certain glint in her eyes every time Kakashi came to her office, either to hand in a mission report or take up another mission.

"Ah, Kakashi," Tsunade-sama looked up from her scroll. The addressed man stood in a lazy stance, eyes only flickering once to where Sakura stood to acknowledge her.

She returned it with a small smile from the corner of the room, book on her lap.

"The mission to Grass that I specifically kept for you was just taken by the Ino-Shika-Cho team, something about reminiscing old time and getting away from their wives." Tsunade dismissed him with a wave. "We're done for the time being what with you lots scraping every mission available. You can go home and take a week off until the next batch of missions comes in."

Sakura hid grin. Missions to Grass always took two weeks at the very least.

"That’s too bad, I don't suppose you have anything at all?" Kakashi scratched the back of his neck.

Tsunade stared at him flatly, and Sakura would bet every bit of her savings that she would have called on his bullshit with that same exact word had Shizune not been present in the office with sharp eyes and a tick on her forehead. "If you had bothered showing up on time, then perhaps there were some missions that Jonin of your caliber could have taken." Those missions, of course, usually entailed high payment and long travels. Then, a sly smirk formed on the corners of her lips as she stole a look at her apprentice. "But we wouldn't want you to be away for very long, now, would we?"

Sakura's jaw clenched and her eyes widened. She threw her Shisou an incredulous look, because honestly, the last thing she needed was the Hokage, who happened to be her current full-time teacher, giggling over her love life like some lowly, common, civilian mothers!

If Kakashi was bothered even the slightest at the implication, he didn't show it, and Sakura won't feel disappointed by it,  _she won't_. Instead, he simply shrugged. "Well, I will expect a hawk when the next mission batch comes in, then?"

"Of course," Tsunade nodded, smirk still intact. "Dismissed."

With one last nod, he turned and left the easy way, through the door and all. Sakura's eyes followed his every movement as he closed the door behind him. She'd never admit it to anybody, but his lack of reaction certainly did annoy her endlessly. She had hoped she wasn't the only one wanting a certain  _something_  for the two in the near future, whatever it may be. Apparently, by the looks of it, she was being delusional.

She sighed, at least he'd be around for a while.

"Can it, Sakura," Tsunade barked, snapping her out of her daze. "Whatever it is the two of you have planned, keep it until you're at least old enough to drink."

Heat rushed up to her neck. "Was that really necessary?" Sakura huffed with her cheeks aflame, addressing what just happened.

The blond simply rolled her eyes. "The man doesn't do relationships, kid. You're still young, don't throw yourself all over him when you can still sprout babies and live the life," Tsunade scoffed. She leaned further into her seat and crossed her arms.

Sakura gaped.

"I wasn't aware being Hokage gave you the permission to butt your head on other people's private life, Tsunade-sama," Shizune retorted from her desk, and oh how Sakura wished she had the nerve to show that much cheek.

"It does when that private life concerns my apprentice," Tsunade snapped from her table. Her eyes then pierced onto Sakura's green irises. "Just be careful, kid."

They left the conversation at that.

If she felt what's left from her hope poof away even the tiniest, she didn't show it. She returned her attention on the thick book on her lap and tried to focus back on the chapter she was assigned to finish by the evening.

It left her with a tiny hollowness after listening to her Shisou's warning, but she wasn't hoping that much to begin with, anyway. She could deal.

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A night or two after, she sat with Shizune at the Hokage's office, cleaning up all the pile that Tsunade-sama left behind. Apparently, the blond was having the time of her month, which left Sakura and Shizune to sort out whatever they could to make things easier for Tsunade-sama if she decides to come back later.

"Guess what I heard Kakashi said to Genma when we all went out to drink last night." Shizune whispered out of the blue in their silence.

Sakura's eyes widened. Her grip on a scroll she was reading tightened nervously. "What?" she hissed, pushing down the curiosity that threatened to show in her face.

Shizune took a moment thinking about it, before she placed down her own scroll and spoke, "Remember the other day when Tsunade-sama teased Kakashi about his so-called hidden relationship with you?"

She absently nodded, heart beating faster.

"Genma brought it up in the middle of their guy talk, teasing him of having a forbidden affair with a student."

Sakura blushed. "What did he say?" she hushed, heart beating rapidly against her ribcage.

"He said that he's never opposed to the idea, except given to how you've always fawned over Sasuke-kun, he believes that you deserve so much more than settling with the—" she lowered her voice, "—um, _agreeable alternative_."

Oh.

"Aw, that's sweet," was her first instinctive response before everything could be processed in her fried-up brain.

Her heart fluttered, and then it hit her.

She felt an incredible amount of anger and urge to punch him in the face all of a sudden, and she hopelessly argued the moment her brain clicked, "I don't even see a future with Sasuke-kun! I don't even  _care_  if he's coming back or not!"

Shizune sent her an amused look that said she was utterly unconvinced.

God, how dare Kakashi-sensei assume that a happy ending with Sasuke-kun was what she wanted? Who cares about her ending up happy or not, she never even considered his! She simply thought the relationship between the two would be convenient, and that was the extent of it. She stood up, dug her heels on the floor, and threw fit, "But that's just cute!" she exclaimed, exasperated, and incredibly out of place, she realized later that night. "Because I honestly thought no one cared about what any of us wanted anymore!"

"What are you talking about?" Shizune appeared to be even more amused as she picked up the scroll that fell from Sakura’s lap. She was definitely getting a free entertainment out of her.

"I was already getting comfortable at the idea of being with Kakashi-sensei, and that took me nights of being okay with the idea of letting Sasuke-kun go! He can't throw this on me and pretends he cares about what makes me happy!" she gritted her teeth in anger. She shoved the rest of the mess to Shizune (again, she realized it was extremely childish of her in horrid embarrassment) and exclaimed, “Excuse me!”

She stormed out of the room, leaving a chuckling Shizune, and scowled at the nearest bench down the corridor.

What did he mean? Why did he believe that? Why did he have to bring Sasuke-kun back into the calculation where she had already deleted the idea of him?

God, she was so selfish. Such a childish teenager too, at that. Here she was, on the verge of aching, so desperate to not be alone, so desperate that she craved him, all of him, and never, not even once, she cared if a loveless relationship was something he wanted.

She had hoped it was, but the truth was, she didn’t know.

She paused, took a breath, and felt quite surprised with herself despite being in that state of irritation.

She brushed sweaty pink strands away from her face and went completely still. She felt buzzed from the sudden realization that this was the first time she ever felt so willing to not have the happily ever after that she had always wanted as a child. It was the first time she was so willing to throw the notion of love from the calculation of her happy ending future, and it was, voila, for the sake of building a convenient home together with her teacher.

And not even once she thought that perhaps her teacher wanted so much more than a half-assed relationship.

She sank into her bed that night with bolster tight in her embrace. She rested her head on her cool palm and laughed bitterly. It was one thing having a crush on her teacher to distract herself from old heartaches, but deciding to live her life down that path (ending up with Kakashi-sensei) without considering other options was something different entirely.

She had always wanted love as a child and believed there was no reason to not have it in her future. It was scary how fast she was mentally prepared to let it go for someone who thought she shouldn't give it up.

She scoffed.

Perhaps that was why he let Shizune-san hear. Maybe he simply believed that nobody should throw away one thing they always believe in only because life took an unexpected twist. Despite Sakura herself deciding that her wants didn't matter at the end of the day, he must have believed that she deserved to get what she wanted.

She took a deep breath and laid her head on the soft, fluffy pillow.

That night, she slept away with thoughts of next time.

.

.

.

The next time they hung out, two months passed. All feelings she had left for the man was nothing but torn indecisiveness. She grew to forget, for she understood she couldn't be selfish in the end. In those two months, she kept up to date with his life, but she was always careful to not think about him too much. In those two months, she also approached him only once, and that was simply to drag him to the hospital for an annual physical. His last time had been back when he was still in ANBU, and she gathered the needed data in silence. She only slipped out of her stoic mask once, and that was when she stared at his toned body a bit longer than necessary. She could have sworn Kakashi-sensei intentionally flexed a few times to tease her.

All she knew was that day on March, her teacher appeared on her house's doorstep and told her to dress up. She simply did as asked, eager to get out from her sweaty training outfit to try on the new dress Ino had chosen for her. She slipped on the dress that hugged her still-developing body, locked the door, and figured she'd enjoy her day.

When they finally got to the destination, she noticed with great joy that he took her to a book fair. She found herself stuck in awe, this time far more than she ever had. Still, she remained to appear nonchalant. She stayed by his side, laughed the night away, and never once missed the chance to throw witty remarks at him. After the epiphany that hit her like a train two months ago, she found it easier to stay clear from him. He deserved better, and she was content at brooding back on a certain Uchiha.

"How tall is that pair of heels?" he finally asked after feeling his arm bump a few times on her well-developing, untapped, unbound chest.

"Ten centimeters," she smirked, challenging him to say something about it.

He didn't, and Sakura huffed silently.

Conversation was dry as usual, and this time instead of forcing a laugh whenever he tried to joke in his dry attempt, she shook her head with an eye roll and said, "Not funny, really."

She cared less and less as time went by, and she was getting better at letting things go.

This was until he suddenly stilled in the middle of the road on their way home and finally turned to really look at her. Sakura stopped beside him with a question glance thrown at him.

Then, ever so slowly, his eye raked over her body from head to toe, not missing a curve, and he inched closer to where she stood. She gulped, suddenly losing her calm composure and completely at lost at what she was supposed to do as he got so close that she could smell a nice, musky scent from his body.

Wait, she hadn’t got the chance to read the continuation of that novel that Tenten lent her, she had zero clue on what the procedure—

"Sakura," he said, voice unbelievably low.

Her breath hitched and she took an instinctive step back.

God dammit, she was a teenager with raging hormone, he was supposed to know something like this would make her go crazy. When she saw the amused, shit-eating glint in his visible eye, she knew he was well aware.

Heat slowly rose to her face as she noticed his eye was on her lips, and she instinctively wetted them, distinctly aware but chose to ignore the effect the glaze had on him. His eye returned to her green irises, and he crouched down until his mouth was on her ear.

"Happy Birthday."

Sakura stifled a gasp at the warmth of his breath, but before she could properly react, his body was already a foot, two, three away.

"W-Wait!" she called for him, blush still on her cheek.

He hadn't bolted very far, the coward, and so he turned. "Hm?"

Sakura gritted, what the hell were they doing? She squeezed her dress, drying her sweaty palm. When did things stopped being platonic? Where was the line that Sakura was very careful not to cross but toed every once in a while?

Face still very red in heat, Sakura took a long breath. After two months of avoiding him, this was the last thing she expected would happen when he showed up on her doorstep. Did he finally made the decision to cross the line that Sakura had no courage to cross? 

"Is this a—a _—_ what is this?" With the loud ringing in her head, she could barely hear her own voice asking, hoping, _craving._

Kakashi faced the dark canopy above, looking thoughtful, "Hm, what do you want it to be?"

And as bland as he made himself look, she'd gotten to learn how to read his body language over the course of time they spent together. What she didn't understand was why considering a possibility now, after he threw such statement months ago. Under his dark, patient gaze, she shifted in her heels. If this was him allowing and giving her the chance to put a new name to their current relationship, she wondered what made him change his mind.

"I—" Sakura stopped. She could already feel Tsunade's judgmental glare coming a mile away in her drunken haze. "—something that could be."

She couldn't bring herself to list the details on what that might entail.

Kakashi blinked once, and then twice. She bit her inner cheek and stared back with as much as determination she could muster. She'd not falter, because  _Sage_ , here he was willing to try it out no matter how messed up the result might be, and the last thing on her mind was to back out on the idea she'd toyed herself with for the past year.

When no reply came, she flushed and murmured, "Well, goodnight."

Sakura slipped off her heels, took them in hand, and turned to walk away barefoot.

"Is this  _could be_  demands me to leave my stash of perfectly acceptable literature? Because if so, then I'm afraid we can't do this."

She stifled a laugh as he fell in step next to her. "No, it doesn't."

"Good, because that'd only make you sound hypocritical."

Sakura sent him a glare, "I don't read porn."

"No, you just read trashy romance novels that has adult scene in between."

Sakura rolled her eyes despite the small smile on her lips.

They fell into an enjoyable silence.

"Have you heard from Naruto at all, Sensei?" Sakura hummed.

"I assumed you'd know first if he sent any message," Kakashi replied, nose already buried in his special edition of Icha Icha that he just bought from the fair.

Sakura sighed, not quite unhappily. "Shisou won't tell me anything."

"I'm sure she just wants you to focus with your training. How's that going?"

The pink haired just-promoted Chunin groaned, "Can we talk about your training instead? Don't think I don't know about you working on your Mangekyo."

Silence.

"It's going," Kakashi finally said.

Sakura threw him a flat look. "Yeah, the amount of times Gai-sensei has to drag your unconscious body to the hospital really shows it's going."

"What can I say, the jutsu drains a lot of chakra."

"You know chakra is not the problem," she said, half-accusing.

It was because the bloodline didn't belong to him in the first place. It was because there was nothing in his blood that had the power to carry the jutsu. Nothing made it easier for him the way it was easier for Uchiha Itachi to use.

Kakashi poked her head with the bindings of his book, his typical way of telling her not to worry.

"Just try to not exhaust yourself too much," was what she eventually said, because her teacher was just as stubborn as Naruto and Sasuke-kun. "Try not to strain your eyes too much, too."

"I have a personal medic to get myself healed at, don't I?" he mused.

The bursting feeling she had in her heart came so suddenly that she couldn't contain her laughter. Some sort of weird force in the world must be supporting her, or that can possibly be just whatever force in the universe finally granting her wish. Either way, she was a bit too overwhelmed that she couldn't stop imagining what might happen one, five, ten years in the future.

She slept that night with brand new hope. Perhaps they could have that content ending after all.

.

.

.

General orphan health check-up, a new annual event created by Tsunade-sama, needed as many volunteers as possible aside from the usual hospital staff to help with calming, entertaining, and keeping an eye out on the children. Konoha 12—well, 10 now, she reminded herself with a wince, were all happy to help. When she found out that he had clear schedule, she dragged him along despite him being the least qualified Shinobi in the village to deal with loud, snotty children.

When the day came, he appeared on her doorstep. This had become a usual routine for the two.

"Wait a sec," she hurried putting on her brand-new sandals. She had expected him to at least be fifteen minutes late.

"What if I'm here to tell you that I can't make it today?"

"A bit too sudden, don't you think?" she flatly replied in a tone as dry as the sand dunes in Suna.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh well," he shrugged. "I tried."

Sakura stretched out a hand he pulled her to her feet.

"Have you eaten breakfast?"

"No," he said.

She nodded, "We can stop by and get something on the way. Let's go."

They closed the door after short kisses and goodbyes to Sakura's parents and made their way to the hospital. Her height now reached his shoulder and she'd done a complete make over to her wardrobe in hope that the new look would help him see her as an equal a bit easier.

He had commented it made her look practical except for the heels, and she had simply brushed him off.

"Just admit they make my legs look good," she had teased him.

His chin was in his thumb, "They really do, and they might attract unwanted perverts, Sakura."

She had chuckled then, "Good, because there's this one pervert I'd like to attract."

He had simply returned to his book, and Sakura giggled openly at his embarrassment.

When they reached the hospital, she led the way to the children waiting room where Asuma and Kurenai had already made themselves cozy with children running around. Kurenai was braiding a girl's hair while Asuma attempted to do the same to another girl. The image stilled her by the entrance.

They are one of those complicated couple in the village, aren't they? And yet they managed, fell in love, found the line between professionalism and relationship despite the age difference and now they—

"Asuma, do you really need to play house so early in the morning?" Shikamaru was the one to break the daze, complete with a yawn as he stepped beside Sakura. "Morning, Kurenai-sensei," he added as an afterthought.

Asuma and Kurena showed zero sign of being embarrassed.

"Yeah, show some respect to the lady and harass the old man, why don't you, brat?" Asuma took a cigarette from his pocket.

Kurenai snatched it before Sakura could. "There are children around, you idiot!"

Asuma raised his hand in surrender sheepishly with certain fondness in his eyes that made her heart skip as the son of Hokage let his lover hold onto his cigarette. Shikamaru joined them, along with Kiba and Hinata who'd just arrived, and Sakura watched as what seemed like one big family take turn on entertaining the two girls who insisted on playing salon.

Sakura's fingers found Kakashi's wrist and lingered for a moment. Kakashi, who seem to be able to read her as easily as he read his books these days, gave her a gentle nudge. She slipped her fingers away and silently made her way to work, letting Kakashi deal with the children on his own.

Throughout the day, she went back and forth around the hospital in her uniform. During the times she could slip away, she checked up on him and managed to smile when she found Pakkun and half dozen dogs entertaining the children in his stead as the Elite Jonin read what seemed to be a story book to a black-haired toddler. He found her eyes, gave a lazy wave, and she stared fondly at the sight, dismissing the growing pang on her chest. The child in his lap was a chubby kid who kept trying to tug his mask away, and she could feel his half-hearted irritation from the door.

It was a pretty scene, and she was an ungrateful person who can't seem to be satisfied with what she had.

She left him in good hands to mind with her own work and didn't come back until lunch break. She went down to the waiting room after making sure the last girl she checked on would stay far away from sweets for a while. She saw Kakashi poking the cheek of the napping child in his lap when she entered the room. She sat beside him and passed a lunchbox, "Having fun?"

He shifted so the kid could stay asleep comfortably on him as he ate. "Thank you. Hiro-kun and I have bonded fairly well."

She took a napkin and wiped the boy—Hiro's—drool that was threatening to drop from his small mouth. "I hope you didn't read anything adult-rated to the poor boy."

"No, it was actually about a handsome masked shinobi and a pink-haired damsel in distress. The damsel is very strong, mind you, just that the enemy have a monstrous strength and no one ever win against him."

She allowed a forced laugh as she scooped the red bean from her box into his. She found him liking them very much, and she never managed to finish hers. "How did the story turn out?"

"Either she ends up with the masked shinobi or run away with the Village's missing-nin." Kakashi kept his focus on his lunchbox. "I haven't figured it out yet."

The world seemed suddenly far too loud.

She placed her chopstick back and swallowed the remaining food in her mouth. Her eyelids dropped to her box. She knew they were bound to have this conversation sooner or later. They had done a very good job at avoiding the issue, and they certainly had fun while it last. It was as though there never was a choice for her, and she simply thought he'd come to term with her choice without questioning it as time went by.

Whether she was fine or not with the final outcome, it was for her to deal with.

"What makes you think there was a choice at all?" she closed her box. She found her voice far sharper than necessary.

Kakashi's eye was void of any emotion as their irises met. His look was hard when he replied equally sharp and low, "If that," he nodded to where Asuma and Kurenai tried to feed vegetables to a particularly stubborn child, "is something you really want, I need you to be sure, Sakura."

Sakura followed his eyesight and clenched her jaw, on the verge of anger. "Is this not enough?"

A ringing silence followed, deafening and daunting, and then Kakashi looked away. "You deserve more," he replied. "You want more."

Sakura set her box aside, spinning to fix Kakashi with a furious glare. Why bother trying then, if he was going to question her motives in the end?

Kakashi must have felt the sudden flare of chakra. "I'm asking now, because I don't want to risk the mess that's going to happen when Naruto comes back. You don't need any distraction when the time comes for you to get  _him_  home."

He spoke as though it was the absolute future that was going to happen, and Sakura bit her lip furiously. She knew Naruto was going to get Sasuke-kun back or die trying, it was never a question of what if, and where does that put Sakura and Kakashi, when they become Team 7 again?

"I wouldn't have pursued this if I wasn't sure, Kakashi," she gritted through her teeth.

"You wouldn't have pursued this if he was here," he retorted easily.

"He isn't here now, is he?" she snapped.

"He will be, and what happens then?" he didn't miss a single breath.

Her chest burned, and she felt the most of her anger was directed to herself for failing to find the answer. Who was she to lie in his face and tell him that he is all she has ever wanted, when she knew deep down that it was far from the truth?

Nearby nurse called for her name, and she got up from her seat, taking her unfinished lunch with her.

The brush of his fingers on hers stopped her. Their eyes met, and Kakashi murmured, "Take your time."

His touch vanished, and so did the warmth.

She went home straight without checking on him when the day was over. She didn't have the face to meet him after the conversation. What would he think of her, if she chose to end it? He'd probably brush their short relationship as a result of teenage fling, blaming himself for going along with it, and come back as a teacher who'd see her day to day as his student. They'd pretend it never happened and shift into their old dynamics once Naruto was home.

She felt numb, and she wished she could feel an ounce of pain at the thought. But that was the thing, wasn't it? She hadn't looked to fall in love going into this relationship. She simply looked for comfort, support, and an anchor to keep her less unhinged as life as Shinobi gets more brutal by the second. She was sent to more assassination mission, more blood was spilled by her hands, and he was the safe haven that kept her sane.

The truth was she didn’t know if she was capable of loving Kakashi at all, didn’t know if she event want to fall in love with him the way she loved Sasuke-kun. She was hardly in the age to have a crisis on this matter, but she was not a stranger to heartbreak and she would fight anyone that dared to call what she had for Sasuke-kun as a childish fling.

Kakashi didn't seem to mind when she told him this the morning after they went out to celebrate her fifteenth birthday. He had told her it was an understandable reason, and definitely not a rare lifestyle amongst Shinobi. She thought they had agreed on it, but then again, she remembered he never once told her what he wanted for himself. She hadn’t asked, barely cared. She simply assumed he wanted the same when he kept coming back to her days after.

She hardly got a second of sleep that night.

When the first ray of sun shone upon Konoha that morning, she felt him outside her window as she lay awake on her bed in nothing under the blanket. She slowly sat up and let the blanket fall to her lap. Long gone was the time she would be embarrassed at such trivial matter. He had seen her before and she had equally seen him just as much.

Sakura peeked at the window under her lashes and saw him in his full ANBU gear, standing relaxed on her balcony.

“How long?” her voice sounded tired in her own ears.

“Classified,” came the muffled answer behind his ANBU mask.

It would be a while until she’d see him again, then. After the day before, Sakura couldn’t blame him for seeking solitude to clear his mind and she was the last person in the Elemental Countries who have the right to ask him to stay. She dismissed the part of her that wanted to reach out to him, to take of the mask—both of them—and sweep what happened the night before under the rug.

This was the right thing, for her to let him go. If she couldn’t even set up her mind on what she wanted, then there was no reason for him to stay and entertain their relationship any longer.

Kakashi deserved far better than a heart that yearn for other.

“Be careful, then,” she smiled tightly.

When no more words came, not even the one he particularly wanted to hear, he vanished.

.

.

.

Three months passed, and he never, not even once, crossed her mind. They never continued the conversation, so she assumed that that was it, they were done. She only let guilt consume her every once in a while, as she threw herself to more training and work. Life was moving on too fast, time ticking by without mercy, and she was far too anxious with what the future was going to bring her—especially with Naruto back in the village.

Bless Naruto’s pure heart who was just as charming as he was unobservant, Kakashi and Sakura managed to put what they had aside to become Team 7 again no matter how half-assed their efforts were. He went back to Kakashi-sensei as easily as taking the two bells from him. They went out to eat ramen as a team, went on a mission to save Gaara as a team and then he had exhausted himself from using his Mangekyo to the point where walking was impossible. Despite being the medic in the team, he never asked, not even once, for Sakura to patch him up. That didn't stop her from slipping into his room, laying his head on her lap and placing her calloused, glowing palm on his eyes.

"Sakura—“ He squirmed under her touch, ready to crawl away with what little strength he had left.

"Personal medic, remember?" she replied easily, voice steady. Her strength overpowered him and she stayed the night in his room to mend his other injuries.

They went back to Konoha and dropped Kakashi in the hospital. After that, Sai happened, Yamato-sensei was introduced, along with an order to retrieve Sasuke-kun.

Sakura spent the night before they were assigned to leave by his hospital bed, head rested on the bed on a folded arm as she traced random pattern on his palm with her finger.

“We’re going after Sasuke-kun tomorrow.” The moonlight shone clear through the window, the blind purposely drawn so Kakashi could still read even during lights out. Sakura stopped with her tracing and noticed a hint of frown in his eyebrow.

“To Orochimaru’s lair?” Kakashi replied. Sakura could tell from his tone that he wished he was healthy enough to go with them, perhaps even to slap Sasuke-kun on the back of his head and drag the Uchiha to Konoha himself, by his ear.

Sakura found enough humor within herself to chuckle at the image.

“It’s not something to laugh about, Sakura.” Kakashi placed his book on the bedside table and pinned her with a warning look.

“I made up my mind,” Sakura said instead, because at this point, she felt the need to relieve herself from the gnawing burden on her chest before she leaves tomorrow. She had decided, the moment her Shisou assigned this mission, that she would grow a pair and relieve Kakashi of the same burden.

“What about?” Kakashi asked, cautious.

“The ending of that story you told Hiro-kun,” She turned to look at him, to gauge his reaction.

Long ago, she found a broken man in those grim eyes that made her wonder what caused such darkness and how come he had survived. Tonight, as his eyes found hers, she found her chest filled with strong compassion to never let him go through the same pain ever again. Laying in the bed was a man who found his father’s dead body, gained a friend the same day said friend died in action, killed his team mate by striking through her chest open, and lost a father figure during the Kyuubi attack. Before anything that ever happened between them, Kakashi was her comrade first. She had seen him at his lowest, heard the stories during their drunken nights that led to forbidden heated passion and offered him comfort when his nightmares came to haunt him every once in a while.

“I’m going to tell you how it ends after the mission.” Sakura told him firmly. “I need to make sure one last time, Kakashi-sensei.”

She needed to get straight up to Sasuke’s face and see if he still had any effect on her. She would never let herself learn to love Kakashi until she was certain. He deserved someone whole, not a broken mess for him to pick up and try to repair. He had done enough of cleaning up his own mess, she would deal with her own and come back to him either torn to pieces or ready to start fresh.

Kakashi nodded. “Get a good punch in for me,” he picked back up his book and returned to the page he left off.

Sakura grinned, “I will.”

.

.

.

They returned empty handed.

Sakura met him on the Memorial Stone under a bad weather and he held onto her as she wept for the heart that breaks over and over again for her childhood love.

As the rain began to fall, Kakashi's grip on his student tightened as the sky mocked on the breaking of not one, but two hearts.

* * *

 

 

It was on his official inauguration day, an event they put together after every fallen soldier was written in the memorial stone and all Elemental Country slowly returning to operate steadily after the war, that Sakura thought about what life would have been like if she had stayed by his side.

"Imagine Sasuke-kun strolling through the gate today," was what she mused to Naruto instead of fussing about the teacher who might come late on his inauguration day on purpose. "That'd be quite a surprise, don't you think?"

Naruto chuckled, "You know very well that the bastard won't turn course just to attend these kinds of events, Sakura-chan."

"Don't sound too confident, Deadlast," a deep voice appeared in the middle of the crowd.

Her eyes widened, her jaw fell, and she turned to the voice, "Sasuke-kun!"

The sound of her beating heart filled her ears as quickly as he appeared.

"I was nearby and met Nara on his way from Suna," he stepped aside easily to avoid Naruto's tackle.

"Just admit you miss me, you bastard!" Naruto got him from the back with a bright grin on his face.

Sasuke chose to not dignify him with an answer and turned to face her. "Sakura," he greeted with a hint of smile in his features.

Her insides were burning fast. Anybody could punch her right in the heart and she wouldn't feel any pain. She needed to breathe. " Are you staying?"

He shook his head. "I'll leave as soon as this is over."

Her chest constricted. When she was about to speak again, the crowd’s murmur turned into a hushed silence, and Sakura followed.

"Citizens of Konoha," a loud, clear voice of her Shishou, the fifth Hokage, rang through the plaza, and the crowd fell into a silence. Naruto and Sasuke-kun stepped right beside her, and they looked up to see Tsunade.

She felt a rush of pride and respect to the Sannin and felt her eyes burn as their eyes met. Tsunade gave her and Naruto a quick wink, a glare to Sasuke-kun, and continued. "I present to you the man who will be the 6th Hokage from now on, Hatake Kakashi."

Sakura felt a tinge of irritation as Tsunade skipped on the speech she and Shizune had so kindly written for her, but the irritation was quickly turned into awe as Kakashi made his way forward in formal Hokage robe. His face showed the same indifference, expressing how much he didn't want the job but wasn't left with much choice since Naruto still had so much to learn and Tsunade was already far too restless.

She joined the rest of the crowd and clapped for her former teacher. In the front row, Gai, Genma, Aoba, Anko, and little of Shinobi that was left in his generation whooped loudly in an attempt to embarrass him.

She nudged Naruto, "That'll be you in a few years," she said.

"Damn right, and I'll definitely look much cooler than that late bastard!" Naruto exclaimed, attracting a giggle from Hinata from his far left. Naruto blushed at being caught by the Hyuuga heiress, and quickly returned his attention to Kakashi.

"Yeah, that's pretty cool alright," Sakura teased him, supported by a snort from Sasuke.

"Sh-Shut up!" Naruto hissed.

Sakura, too, looked back up as a wistful smile made its way into her lips. "Face it, he's going to be far cooler than you even in his eighties."

Naruto grumbled back his response, which she ignored.

She breathed deeply and saw the man she had come to love as a comrade, teacher and an anchor stand tall with no pride as the new Hokage in his best friend's stead. He must rather stand down there in the plaza to see his best friend become Hokage instead of taking his place. He must believe he was the least person to deserve the title and the Sage was playing a cruel joke on him.

She shook her head when she saw the clear unenthusiastic expression as he received the hat from Tsunade-sama.

She had heard it all, and still she thought there was no candidate more perfect for the job. The pride she felt for him was equally as large as the one directed to Tsunade for her short, yet spectacular service, and before she realized it, she felt tears wet her cheeks.

Kakashi is better this way and the rest of what had happened between the two of them was better written off as history.

She hastily wiped the tears and noticed Sasuke’s eyes were on her.

"Are you…" Sasuke trailed off and there was a slight twitch on his brow that could be interpreted as concern.

To this day, Sakura never found out what it was that he wanted to ask.

Obsidian met emerald, and she gently smiled. Whatever it was that he sought, the answer was the same. "No."

No, she wasn’t with Kakashi. No, she wasn’t okay. No, she wasn’t happy, still.

His eyes lingered, so she added when the frown hadn’t gone away. "It was something that could have been.”

Comprehension dawned upon his features, and they left it at that.

* * *

 

And it all ended, in the happy ending that Sakura had chosen for herself, on the day the she and Sasuke entered Kakashi's office with what is left of Konoha 12 along with Sai, Sakura's parents, Tsunade-sama, and Shizune.

They had asked him to use his power as Hokage to marry them, and it was done very quickly. They signed the necessary forms, gotten themselves congratulated by their peers, and thanked Kakashi for sparing his time.

He gave the newlywed two passes for them to leave on their honeymoon.

He didn't spare her any attention, not even a glance aside from the obligatory congratulation, which she thanked with eyes that never shine quite as brightly before.

It must have been the right thing to do, despite the raging ache that threatened to tear him apart from the inside.

Love has a quite funny way to give strength and break people, and Kakashi must be its favored subject for he let it break him over and over again.

After a quick celebration, he waved them off to hurry and leave so he could meet his awaiting company, the bottom of the bottle he had kept for a long time. As they began to leave one by one, Sakura turned, seeking his eyes for one last time.

“Congratulation,” Kakashi smiled again, light and easy.

_I love you._

“Thank you, Kakashi-sensei,” she grinned cheerfully.

_I’m sorry._

Kakashi turned away first, and Sakura left to her awaiting husband.

He made a mental note to seek Hiro-kun in the Academy tomorrow morning. He believed he owed the boy the final version of a story he failed to finish for him long ago. With that in mind, Kakashi took the first sip and invited sorrow to accompany him until numbness replaced the ache in his heart.

.

.

.

The End

* * *

 

 Gah, have mercy guys.


End file.
